


Frequency

by biblionerd07



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas trying to make a joke, Dean and Feelings, Emotional Constipation, Missing Scene, repairing friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 19:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1277494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biblionerd07/pseuds/biblionerd07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Dean/Cas moment after the final scene of Captives because Sam really hurts my heart sometimes.  Dean's not sure if he and Cas are on the same frequency anymore.  Can be read as a shippy kind of moment or just friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frequency

Dean kept turning up his music, wanting the guitar riffs and steady voices to make his brain shut up, but it wasn’t doing much to block out his thoughts. He kept switching the song restlessly. This wasn’t cutting it. He just kept hearing the slam of Sam’s door echoing in his head. Dean ripped off the headphones and covered his eyes.

“Hey, Cas.” He said softly. “I don’t know if you can still hear me or not, since your mojo isn’t _your_ mojo, but…” He sighed. “I just…I hope you’re doing better than I am.”

Cas’s call arrived in minutes. “Hello, Dean.” The familiar greeting left Dean blinking hard to fight tears. Everything was falling apart, but at least some things never changed. “I’m on my way there, though it will take me longer to get there than usual.” Dean hated Metatron for the five millionth time.

“You’re still tuned to my frequency, huh?” Dean said lightly. “Didn’t know if you could be, since you’re running on borrowed grace.”

“I am always tuned to your frequency, regardless of the grace I carry.” Cas replied seriously. “I will be tuned to your frequency until I cease to exist.”

“Well, I mean, I’m probably going to die first.” Dean tried to joke around a lump in his throat. Cas dropped emotional atom bombs like he was commenting on the weather.

“Undoubtedly.” Cas agreed, making Dean roll his eyes a little. “But you don’t need a body to communicate with me. I will always be able to hear your soul.”

“And Sam’s.” Dean said it as a statement, though it was almost a question.

“I’ve trained myself to hear Sam, yes.”

“You didn’t have to train yourself to hear me?” Dean asked, surprised.

“It’s natural for me to hear you. I once held your soul in my hands.”

“Damn, Cas.” Dean muttered, his chest feeling unbearably tight. “That’s deep.” Cas didn’t say anything else, sensing Dean’s discomfort at the emotional turn the conversation had taken, and Dean could picture perfectly the way Cas’s head was probably cocked to the side.

“Are you alright?” Cas finally asked. “It sounded like something was wrong.”  
  
Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Me and Sammy…” He trailed off, but Cas got it. Somehow Cas, who’d historically not understood so much about humans or emotions, always knew what Dean meant.

“Things are still strained.” He supplied.

“Yeah.” Dean bit his lip. “I honestly don’t know if we’re going to get over it this time.”

There was silence on the line, utter silence because Cas didn’t breathe, and Dean almost wasn’t sure if Cas was even still there. It reminded him of the old days, when Cas would just take off without any kind of warning, pop from place to place and not even say goodbye.

“Things will probably never be the same.” Cas said carefully. “But that doesn’t mean the new form of the relationship can’t be good, as well.”

Another long silence sat between them. Dean knew Cas wasn’t only talking about Sam and Dean. Dean didn’t have angel radio, but he was pretty tuned to Cas’s frequency, too.

“Sometimes a change in a relationship is good, right?” Dean asked, his mouth a little dry. He heard Cas draw in an unnecessary breath and his heart started pounding.

“Yes.” Cas said slowly. “Some changes are necessary for…growth.”

Dean wondered if he should push the issue, air his feelings, but he recoiled from that thought immediately. Air his feelings? He wasn’t even sure what his feelings were. Plus, even if he _did_ have some sort of feelings, he wasn’t going to talk about them on the phone, of all places. If he was going to talk about them at all. Which he probably wasn’t. Because he didn’t have feelings. Dean needed to change the subject.

“So, um…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you? Uh, doing better, I mean?”

“I believe I am slightly better than you.” Cas said. “Your relationship with Sam is stressed and that’s a heavy emotional toll for you.”

“But you had a shitty day, too.” Dean prompted, able to read Cas’s unspoken words easily. Cas hesitated a moment.

“Yes.” He admitted. “It was not a good day.” He seemed ready to leave it there, so Dean prompted him with a little noise from the back of his throat. Cas sighed. “I had to kill another one of my brothers.” He sounded more weary than sad.

“Someone who tried to hurt you?” Dean guessed. Cas hummed an assent and Dean felt hot anger flare in his stomach, hating how used to betrayal Cas had gotten.

“If you hadn’t killed him, I would’ve.” Dean said before he had time to think about it. He felt slightly awkward at the admission. He would kill anyone who tried to kill Sam, too. He almost explained himself to Cas but stopped. Overly explaining things would just make the moment even more awkward. And Cas understood awkwardness now, after being human for a while; he didn't feel it fully, and he still had trouble pinpointing why a situation was uncomfortable, but he could discern tension in the air now. It was a bit of a wonder to Dean.

“And now a faction wants me to lead them.” Cas broke into Dean’s thoughts. “As if I haven’t proven that I am unfit to be a leader.” His voice was heartbreakingly bitter and Dean wished he could put a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re a good leader.” He said, making Cas bark out a short laugh.

“I become corrupted when power is meted to me. I’ve shown that twice.”

“Hey, Metatron tricked you.” Dean protested. “That one wasn’t your fault.” He made no comment on the other time. He didn't want to think about it.

“Still.” Cas told Dean. “I should not be in power.” He paused. “I don’t _want_ to be in power. I don’t want to lead anyone. I want to be done with it all.” He was so tired. Dean squeezed his eyes shut for a minute, Cas’s long-ago words _I’m afraid I’ll kill myself_ bouncing into his head.

“Just stay with me.” The sentence burst from his lips. “With me and Sam.” He quickly amended, flushing slightly. He was sure Cas would be staring at him intently if they were in the same room and he was glad, for once, at Cas’s lack of wings. The thought made him feel guilty.

“Now you want me to stay?” There was a kernel of hurt in his voice that made Dean’s chest ache, remembering the way Cas’s face had dropped when Dean had told him to leave, the way his blue eyes had flitted away and closed off to Dean.

“I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” Dean said softly. “It was that dick Gadreel.” Cas didn’t speak and Dean suddenly felt desperate to make him understand. “Cas, I couldn’t tell you.” He insisted. “He would’ve left Sam and Sam would’ve died. You know I wanted you to stay. Why would I tell you to get to me as fast as you could if I wanted to toss you out? Why would I spend so long looking for you if I didn’t want you to stay?”

“You could have told me why I had to leave.” Cas finally said, his voice now coming into Dean’s room as he opened the door and made Dean jump. His voice and his eyes were raw and Dean had to look away, focusing on ending the call and rubbing the screen of his phone absently. Cas stayed in the doorway.

“I—I was afraid he’d hear.” Dean sagged. “I was an idiot, Cas.”

“Well, some things never change.” Cas’s lips twisted up into a hint of a smile and Dean looked up quickly, grinning back so hard he thought his cheeks might break.

“Look at you and your humor.” Dean said proudly. Cas’s smile grew a little and he ducked his head shyly. Dean couldn’t help but think _That was the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen_ before he captured the thought and threw it to the back of his mind. Cas sighed.

“I don’t know if I can stay out of all this.” He said, eyes far away. “I have a duty to clean up my mess. And I have a duty to my brothers and sisters.”

Dean watched him for a minute. “Well…” He drew out the word until Cas looked at him. “You don’t have to do anything tonight, right?”

Cas’s eyebrows jumped up and Dean realized how suggestive that sounded. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“We could finish Die Hard.” He explained. Cas squinted for a second while he processed, then he smiled.

“Yes.” He said. “That sounds nice.”

They sat side-by-side, a bowl of popcorn between them, and watched the movie quietly. It was going to take some time, fixing all the damage they’d done to each other lately, but they could start with a movie and see how it went. Dean kept looking at Cas to gauge his reaction to things happening onscreen, and during one of these glances, Cas was looking back at him with a soft smile on his face. They’d be okay. They were on the same frequency.


End file.
